I'm off to high tea with my best girlfriends. We"ve been planning it for weeks and we always have fun - we go and have high tea at a fancy hotel, frocks are required and we have a ladylike afternoon.
Unfortunately the dragon started pacing around last night during dinner, and hasn't quite settled back down yet. I have spent the morning soothing him.
I have to go to tea - I'd rather stay here under a pillow. WHich is where I spent the morning in the air conditioned cold dark bedroom trying to sleep him off.
This is where I understand what my doctor means when he says "high-functioning". I would use the term "stubborn" or "wilful".
I am all dressed up, perfect hair, perfect makeup, frock and pearls. It's not how you feel, it's how you look. I am going to tea, goddammit, I promised, I planned, I will be there. I will drink tea and smile and make witty conversation and the pictures will show we had a LOVELY time.
I am going to warn the best of the friends that I am "off" today - she knows already as I bailed last night on going to see a group of friends and their respective shows, and came home instead.
You know how you feel when you ate something that disagrees with you? Kind of off in your stomach?
The dragon makes me feel off in my soul.
Margaret Atwood novel has a great line - "I feel like the word shatter." I feel nervous and agitated and off and am worried I will be dead silent or take over the conversation. I feel twitchy and I keep dropping things.
We will have a LOVELY time. You will be able to tell by the pictures. I will try not to look too crazed.
Good for you! I remember feeling that way--for years. And, I, too, forced myself to go to these kinds of things. I felt that since I was going to be depressed anyway, it was better to try and have a good time than remain home and know that I'd feel lousy!
ReplyDeleteI spilled my tea 15 minutes in because I was shaking so hard. It made me feel better than within a half hour one friend spilled the jam, another exploded her scone...we all had a mishap.
ReplyDeleteDear Sue,
ReplyDeleteHow nice is that? I had such bad hand tremors with one medication I was taking that I had to order soup in a cup. Luckily, I was with my mother who suggested it. Otherwise, I think I might have begun crying!
But, then years later, when she was in a wheel chair and I was helping her out of the car, she started falling, and I caught her by wrapping my arms around her so I'd break her fall. There, we were, two well-dressed women sitting in a gutter outside my car.
And, I decided the only thing to do was to start laughing, and that made my mother laugh too. A sense of humor also goes a long way!
Susan