Restless and Twitchy

In a weird headspace today. Am restless but don't want to do anything. Mostly a couch day. Managed to get it together to make a couple healthy meals for tonight and tomorrow.
Feeling unfocused. Ruminating over things that have happened and things that haven't happened. Weird.
Was visiting my parents this weekend - always a slight trigger. Am probably "coming down" off of that. Long weekends always throw me off a bit too, I guess.
Have started a new regimen as have been feeling a bit unhealthy - like I haven't been taking as good care of myself as I could and should.
I don't know. Restless and twitchy.
Friend coming into town next week. Haven't seen him in four years. I don't know how I feel about that. He knew me when... when bi polar ruled my life but didn't have a name - Some friends call it my "sketchy past" I smile a bit uncomfortably and call it my "wild child" days. It's weird now to think, no - just sick - and desperately self medicating with everything and anything I could lay my hands on - drugs, alcohol, food, tattoos, piercings late nights, men...
I always knew who I was under all it. I always knew who I was. It's who I am now. And I have to keep remembering that.
(see - I'm unfocused - I have no idea what point I was trying to make with that last paragraph.)
more later maybe.