I'm actually pretty glad I found the Moods Pass post yesterday because today is a mood laden day. I've managed to convince myself I am unimportant, unloved, uninteresting - all the "uns" as I like to call it based on the dumbest possible reasons.
Breathe.
My friend went and saw a show without me. I am unloved. Another friend hasn't called and they said they would. I am unimportant. The same for another friend. I am uninteresting. Oh calm down. This is me projecting, this is me overreacting, this is me being a HSP for no reason at all.
I suppose these feelings, and the moods that follow in their trail are just a passing phenomenon brought on by a sleepless night or the darkness of a violently rainy day, or by chemical changes that affect our emotions at a level far beneath where we can understand or alter what is taking place.
I must tell the friend who triggered feelings of harsh rejection that I can't be in touch with her anymore... I've done that three times in my head today already - with three different people!
I really do think the weather has something to do with it. It's been rainy for days now - overcast, only bits of bright too hot sunshine.
pathetic fallacy - poetic practice of attributing human emotion or responses to nature, inanimate objects, or animals.
I have always LOVED this phrase and now I find I have to apply it to myself.
New headshots tonight, then a play with the same friend I feel oh so rejected by - see what I mean? Proof of me and it being me and me projecting - MUCH?
Dear Sue,
ReplyDeleteHopefully you won't act on these feelings. I don't know what it is about bipolarity that causes this, but it seems like a huge problem within our community.
I've been there and felt that, and I'm only sorry about the times I felt the need to confront my friends about how I felt. And I'm very grateful that now I realize it's usually me and not them, and I no longer feel that way (at least most of the time).
Susan
it's funny and it goes back to that list of 12 - I keep repeating to myself (out loud if need be) "Feelings are not FACTS" and it seems to help.
ReplyDeleteI decided to scrap any after plans I had last night because I knew myself well enough to know I was not fit for man nor beast. And the shows went on and the phone calls came in and feelings are not facts so nope - did not act on them.
I also have another bi polar friend (much more severe case than mine) who used to regularly confront our group of friends about how she felt. And I would always talk her down by patiently picking apart the arguement she made - feelings are not facts.
thanks Susan!