this week

i am spending today and tomorrow taking extreme care of myself in order to prepare for a group retreat on wed and thurs.
good lord.
at which point I remembered I had to go to the pharmacy! Good thing for this blog - would have completely forgotten.
I am eating super clean right now - brown rice, lots of fruits and vegetables, tons of water. Trying to sort out my system. I figure a couple days is better than nothing, can do clean breakfast Wednesday morning and clean dinner Thursday night and do my best in betwee,
Not really interested in the retreat - well, it's a staff retreat and the main thing I dislike about staff retreats is the completely lack of alone time and down time. I will get through it - it's like, 36 hours. And I can hide all I want when I get back Thursday night.
Have I mentioned it's my birthday in two weeks?
I know full well that has a lot to do with how I've been feeling and acting. I always get weird around my birthday - tend to fixate on what I feel I "haven't" accomplished, versus the many great and incredible things I "have" accomplished.
I'll work on it.

Someone Else's Words Part Two

wow. bit of a rough night. Moving forward.

Anyway, where was I? Right - the idea that it seems that it will take so long to recover/recuperate that sometimes I can't be bothered to and just keep going until I crash. Forced recuperation if you will.

Which is stupid, I know, don't get me wrong.

But the thing I struggle with is the acceptance part. The "I just can't" part. I've never been good at that. I have been accustomed all my life, to quote my mother, "to doing whatever the hell I want". And being a stubborn person, words I dislike are "should" and "can't", as in "you should take a break" "you can't go as hard as you do". My back immediately goes up and I think, "oh yes I can, oh yes I will you cannot make me you cannot stop me you are not the boss of me."

Cutting off my nose to spite my face, if you will. It's quite childish.

I must work more on acceptance. I have gotten a bit better in that the past few months I have been actively rejecting activities - it's just that some weeks sneak up on me is all.
My shrink says part of it is that I have to actually stop and think about something instead of just blithely assuming I will/I can make it work/go to it/do it. And that is hard for me. I've always been a busy person, having to stop and consider the reasons and sources of that busyness is sometimes challenging, to put it politely.
I will work on it. Mindfulness.

Someone Else's Words

out of her blog and into mine.

The Daily Living Manic Depressive Blog is another I've stumbled across and I am pretty sure it's a thank you owed to Susan. It's on the right hand side.

This particular blog post made me happy - well happy is an odd word - more a sigh of relief - well it would be a sigh of relief if I wasn't manic - it was more of a shriek of "testify!" It was the schedule of effects that struck me:
Went clubbing on the night of the 2 July.
Was manic on the 3 July.
Got somewhat depressed on the 4 July.
Fought to not get too depressed on the 5 July – mixed results.
Eventually restabilised today the 6 July.
All from one night of clubbing.

I TOTALLY GET THAT.

I have been all mixed up for about two weeks now, veering from high to low and back and forth sometimes within days, sometimes within hours. Too much sleep, not enough sleep. Too much food, not enough food. Too much booze, too many late night there's always something or somewhere I want to be see go to do. And that is part of the problem.
I work in the performing arts and am what is called a "city enthusiast". Consequently I could be out seven nights a week without thinking about it. From the 22nd to the 29th my schedule could look like this. We'll assume in an eight hour work day for Monday to Friday. Then we'll add in:
22 - afternoon barbeque and drinks in the evening
23 - MadMen dinner party
24 - library, dinner with friends
25 - book launch
26 - groceries, library, housecleaning, laundry. Finish writing applications.
27 - friend's band playing
28 - spa night with friends
29 - begin next round of applications. Friend's band playing.

How do you recover from a week like that?

i am like this. My friends are like this. It is a known fact that I "sneak out" of events - I will just pick up my coat and quietly leave, or else be roped into staying longer, later. Why do I do this?
Back to the blog post.

while everybody else would recover in one day, it can take me four days.

Sometimes it seems to daunting to even begin to recover and so I just keep going....
more later. Staff meeting and I'm losing focus.

six hours later.

you know what? I'm manic. 3/4 there. I am home, I am safe, but I need to go do a few things to get myself back on track. I will finish this article later, I can barely focus enough to type. Sorry.

Speaking of Which

Part of a post from Craig Harper


Isn’t it amazing how when our internal reality changes, the unlikely becomes likely, the impossible becomes very possible and the hard becomes incredibly easy. There is no universal hard or easy. There are simply events, circumstances, challenges and situations that we individually assign certain significance, power, influence and control in our world. Things only have the meaning we give them and the impact we allow them to have. We are the creators of hard. Yep, we construct it, refine it, shape it, re-enforce it and then we inhabit it. For some people everything is hard. No matter how good life is. Hard is built, maintained and empowered by them. I’ve seen some people deal with cancer more easily and with less drama than other people deal with a sprained ankle or a common cold. Why? Because certain people create easy while others create hard, that’s why.

Drifting

really good post a while back on Beyond Blue about drifting... one warning sign for Gretchen is also one for me - Getting the urge to do or have something because the people around you are doing it or want it.
I tend to do that/want that when I am feeling unsatisfied (or manic for that matter) - it's an "I want to help!" mentality I have.
Interesting.

See below for photo explanation.

Am adding a new blog to the" stuff to read" column

Sarah Fain has Starfish Envy

two reasons to begin with

1) the idea of Starfish envy intrigues me; and
2) her subtitle is "I'm thirty-seven. I'm successful. I'm single. Now what?"

mee too.

I am feeling a lot better. Good conversation with my doctor about how I have been feeling the past few weeks. When we went through the list of what I'd been through last week - too much activity, old loves resurfacing, working crazy hours, he said he wasn't surprised in the least, that I'd been triggered by a big old emotional upheaval. Sleeping too much? What better way to avoid thinking? Walking too much? Same thing. Basically everything I overdid was a way of avoiding the emotions, fears and feelings that a few people and situations had brought out in me last week. Coupled with the ridiculous weather fluctuations (see top and bottom) which, like medication, I am wildly sensitive to - well last week was very easily explained.
I feel like I am on the mend. Deep breaths. I feel the ability to make a list rather than panicking about not making a list, which is a good sign for me.
These photos were taken last night about 5 miles from my house - total before and afters.
Yes I identify with them quite deeply. How could anyone NOT have a mood swing with that kind of weather in your face?
Hope you are all well.

Head Above Water

Other blogs have had extraordinarily well-timed posts these past couple of days. Susan over at BiPolar Wellness Writer writes about how to write about trauma. Therese over at Beyond Blue writes about how sleep is sanity, and more importantly has links I can follow to her mega meltdowns.
I first found Therese by accident, seeing her video Me on the Bad Days, and oh how I could identify.
I am feeling better. Do really cold showers make anyone else feel better? It's like they calm me down, cool me off, both figuratively and literally.
My focus is better. I managed to get up on time today.
I have not cried. Or panicked. Much.
Doctor tomorrow.

Surfacing

Okay. I at least know which way is up now. That was a bad week. That was a week of foolish choices, too much of many things and not enough of lots of things. I needed to send myself to bottom, to crash the metaphoric car. It worked and now I can come back up from bottom.

I know which way is up. I can focus long enough to write this. My medication is taken on time. My ex has gone back home and we have said our goodbyes - this time forever. My house is clean, the laundry is done there is healthy food to eat. My home is calm. I try to be calm too.
A week of triggers, feeling like a duck in a shooting gallery - every time a trigger hit me I'd spin around to the next one, going faster and faster and faster and the dread, the feeling of dread and the only thing to do would be to drink it away, yes let's go out, let's stay out late, it's two in the morning who cares come over I've missed you so much and back up again and out we go, and drink and dance and laugh and ignore my shaking hands and inability to focus, knowing it's there but refusing to do anything about it. I'll think about that tomorrow, tomorrow is another day.
Panicky. Everything is tooclose like that, cars are tooclose, the road is tooclose, I can't stand to have my iPod in my ears, the breeze on my skin is irritating me, people keep calling and I want to scream LEAVE ME ALONE. I can't even get it together to call them back to say leave me alone, it's an exhausting thought, dialogue. I can put it out I can't take it in there's too much in me to take in right now.
I am sleeping every chance I get and I wonder if I'm tired or my body and soul is knocking me out to keep me out of trouble. It's not useful sleep, it's not quality, full of strange dreams, overbright, loud, always themes of competition, trying to win, being good enough.
Out of focus now. I have to stop. I'll write more later but at least I am surfacing...

back later. later may be twenty minutes. later may be a couple of days. but this picture says where I am now, and I will be back in a bit once I've formulated this week enough to talk about it.

oh yes indeed I am in a MOOD...

I'm actually pretty glad I found the Moods Pass post yesterday because today is a mood laden day. I've managed to convince myself I am unimportant, unloved, uninteresting - all the "uns" as I like to call it based on the dumbest possible reasons.

Breathe.

My friend went and saw a show without me. I am unloved. Another friend hasn't called and they said they would. I am unimportant. The same for another friend. I am uninteresting. Oh calm down. This is me projecting, this is me overreacting, this is me being a HSP for no reason at all.

I suppose these feelings, and the moods that follow in their trail are just a passing phenomenon brought on by a sleepless night or the darkness of a violently rainy day, or by chemical changes that affect our emotions at a level far beneath where we can understand or alter what is taking place.
I must tell the friend who triggered feelings of harsh rejection that I can't be in touch with her anymore... I've done that three times in my head today already - with three different people!

I really do think the weather has something to do with it. It's been rainy for days now - overcast, only bits of bright too hot sunshine.

pathetic fallacy - poetic practice of attributing human emotion or responses to nature, inanimate objects, or animals.

I have always LOVED this phrase and now I find I have to apply it to myself.

New headshots tonight, then a play with the same friend I feel oh so rejected by - see what I mean? Proof of me and it being me and me projecting - MUCH?

"Moods Pass, Don't Let Them Frighten You":

It's Mindful Monday over at beliefnet/Beyond Blue. Four words can sum up this posting: Yeah, I do that.


Some days vague moods pass across our consciousness, and bring in their wake a train of thoughts that cause doubts about important things in your life, doubts about work, is it worthwhile? Doubts about friendships, are they a distraction, will they end up hurting? Doubts about yourself, is there meaning to your existence? Doubts about so many things that you do, is it all without meaning?

I suppose these feelings, and the moods that follow in their trail are just a passing phenomenon brought on by a sleepless night or the darkness of a violently rainy day, or by chemical changes that affect our emotions at a level far beneath where we can understand or alter what is taking place. One thing is certain, that is never the time to make decisions that will affect your life or your work or your relationships. That would only lead to instability in your personality. Being steady and keeping on course in spite of frightening emotions is so important. Most of the time, the next day the sun will shine and dispel the fog of your morbid mood, and everything will seem bright again. And clinging to God in a time like that is like a ship with an anchor that reaches deep down to a stabilizing base and holds the ship safely in place.

Fr. Joe is right about so many things. Sometimes the best thing to do with an awkward emotion is simply to feel it and let it pass.

Of course that's not how I like to deal with my feelings.

My first reaction to a pang of grief or an intense sadness is to do something to fix it. Immediately. I must tell the friend who triggered feelings of harsh rejection that I can't be in touch with her anymore, or I have to fill the emptiness I'm experiencing with a worthwhile activity like sewing or scrapbooking (even though it pains me to say those two words), or I have to locate the exact source of my pain and get over it by lunch. I put my emotion on a schedule, and like a drill sergeant, yell at it until it does enough sit-ups and push-ups, until it's strong enough to bench 100. I strive to get in front of my sadness before it takes me down too far.

Still Feeling Off

Tea was lovely. The pictures confirm how I felt - too smiley, too bright-eyed, slightly insane. Managed to avoid post-tea martinis and came home and ate some healthy food.
Feeling off - a bit skittish, a bit restless, but somewhat sleepy and lacking in energy.
Did dishes, did laundry, cleaned up a bit with LONG breaks in between. Unfocused. Oh who cares, is how I feel, although I seem to care a lot today I don't feel like there's anything new to do about it.
Will deal. Quiet week ahead - new headshots on Tuesday night, a friend's 40th on Thursday. I'm already nervous about that - it's gonna be a big one, and all theatre and arts people which lead to an evening of over stimulation from all sides. I will be careful with myself.
More later - am distracted.

Tea and Frocks

I'm off to high tea with my best girlfriends. We"ve been planning it for weeks and we always have fun - we go and have high tea at a fancy hotel, frocks are required and we have a ladylike afternoon.
Unfortunately the dragon started pacing around last night during dinner, and hasn't quite settled back down yet. I have spent the morning soothing him.
I have to go to tea - I'd rather stay here under a pillow. WHich is where I spent the morning in the air conditioned cold dark bedroom trying to sleep him off.
This is where I understand what my doctor means when he says "high-functioning". I would use the term "stubborn" or "wilful".
I am all dressed up, perfect hair, perfect makeup, frock and pearls. It's not how you feel, it's how you look. I am going to tea, goddammit, I promised, I planned, I will be there. I will drink tea and smile and make witty conversation and the pictures will show we had a LOVELY time.
I am going to warn the best of the friends that I am "off" today - she knows already as I bailed last night on going to see a group of friends and their respective shows, and came home instead.
You know how you feel when you ate something that disagrees with you? Kind of off in your stomach?
The dragon makes me feel off in my soul.
Margaret Atwood novel has a great line - "I feel like the word shatter." I feel nervous and agitated and off and am worried I will be dead silent or take over the conversation. I feel twitchy and I keep dropping things.
We will have a LOVELY time. You will be able to tell by the pictures. I will try not to look too crazed.

The Highly Sensitive Person in Love

Man, Beyond Blue is on FIRE for me today! Link to them is at the right.

Elaine Aron, whose book "The Highly Sensitive Person" I've discussed often on Beyond Blue, also writes about the topic of sensitive-types in relationships. In fact, she devoted a whole book to it, "The Highly Sensitive Person in Love." Here are some interesting facts on sensitive people and relationships and why she wrote a whole book about it ...

Most of us assume that the success of a relationship between friends or lovers depends on having good communication skills or sharing similar interests. But consider this: A 1995 study found that 50 percent of the risk of divorce is genetically determined. Does this mean success and fulfillment in social life are inherited? What can we do about that?

The single largest reason for this genetic effect is not a "divorce gene," I'm certain. (To say something is genetically determined doesn't clarify much--wearing skirts or owning a rifle is almost totally "genetically determined," thanks to the genes for gender plus a lot of cultural moderators.) Genetics enter into marriage because of the way that certain inherited temperaments cause trouble in relationships. They cause trouble only because most of us are totally ignorant about the reality of the drastic differences that can exist among nervous systems. But with the right guidance, the many "mismatches" in this world can have the most fulfilling relationships of all.

HSPs in Love

Let's start with the temperament we know, sensitivity. About 20% of us are highly sensitive persons (HSPs); at least 34% of love relationships involve an HSP. And everyone has at least one HSP friend. I have found that when HSPs aren't understood by themselves and others, that spells trouble. That's surely part of why my data show that, on the average HSPs, are a bit happier paired with each other. They understand each other.

My data also show that on the average HSPs' relationships in general are less happy--implying that relationships HSPs are in are less happy, at least for the HSP. Why? HSPs have nervous systems that pick up more on subtleties in the world and reflect on them deeply. That means, for starters, that they will tend to demand more depth in their relationships in order to be satisfied; see more threatening consequences in their partners' flaws or behaviors; reflect more and, if the signs indicate it, worry about how things are going.

Because HSPs are picking up on so much, they are also more prone to overstimulation, quicker to feel stress--including the stimulation and stress that can arise in any intense, intimate interactions. They need more down time, which can cause a partner to feel left out. They find different things enjoyable compared to others.

5 Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work

this is an AWESOME article I found at Beyond Blue. I feel SO much better. I might buy Judith's book.

Beyond Blue is one of the stopping points of Judith Orloff's virtual blog tour. I was intrigued, especially, by the chapter in her book, "Emotional Freedom," on sensitive people finding relationships that work. So with her publisher's permission, here is an excerpt from the book.

Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn't always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. In my medical practice and workshops I've been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call "emotional empaths" come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else they're in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn't simply that "there aren't enough emotionally available people 'out there,'" nor is their burnout "neurotic." Personally and professionally, I've discovered that something more is going on.

Emotional empaths are a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be difficult, may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner's energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don't have time to decompress in our own space. We're super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five.

Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they're afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn't understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely; we want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn't feel safe. One empath-patient told me, "It helps explain why at thirty-two I've only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year." Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs--the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don't feel they're on top of you. Empaths can't fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm's length. In doctors' waiting rooms I'll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away. With friends it's about half that. With a mate it's variable. Sometimes it's rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a "Keep Out" sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you've felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don't know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others--make clear that this isn't about not loving them--but get the discussion going. Once you can, you're able to build progressive relationships.


If you're an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don't jibe with you practice the following tips.


Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate


As you're getting to know someone, share that you're a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being "overly sensitive," won't respect your need.


Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style


Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night's rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.


Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs


You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn't a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, "What space arrangements are optimal?" Having an area to retreat to, even if it's a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here's why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner's vibes are sublime, sometimes I'd rather not sense them even if they're only hovering near me. I'm not just being finicky; it's about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.


Tip 4. Travel wisely


Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I'll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. "Out of sight" may make the heart grow fonder.


Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks


Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, "I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I'm having fun," a form of self-care that he supports.


In my medical practice, I've seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who've been lonely and haven't had a long-term partner before. Once you're able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible.


Judith Orloff MD is a psychiatrist and author of the New York Times Bestseller "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life" (Harmony, 2009), upon which this article is based. As a gift to anyone who buys Emotional Freedom during her virtual tour - Dr Orloff is offering 100 free gifts from noted transformational leaders such as Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Michael Beckwith, Dr. Bruce Lipton, Shirley Maclaine and more go to: http://www.drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-promotion/

thanks Corin

I first heard a friend sing this song over a year ago and was deeply touched. This is a great version, but I will never forget the first time I heard it.

thanks Jack....

Well I spent my whole lifetime
In a world where the sunshine
Finds excuses for not hangin' 'round
I squandered emotions
On the slightest of notions
And the first easy loving I found
But soon all the good times
The gay times and play times
Like colors run together and fade
Oh Lord if you hear me
Touch me and hold me
And keep me from blowing away

There's times when I trembled
When my mind remembered
The days that just crumbled away
With nothing to show
But these lines that I know
Are beginning to show in my face

Oh Lord if you're listening
I know I'm no Christian
And I ain't got much coming to me
So send down some sunshine
Throw out your lifeline
And keep me from blowing away

Oh Lord if you hear me
Touch me and hold me
And keep me from blowing away

Twelve Step Reflection

Addendum: Number Nine is really a good one. I find myself reminding myself, or saying it out loud whenever I find myself veering.

Which of the list have I figured out - or am at least actively working on? I have bolded them.

1. Admit you've got a problem
2. Take action
3. Trust and cooperate
4. Get the power
5. Use and develop personal resources
6. Begin personal evaluation
7. Cultivate healthy thinking
8. Cultivate healthy behavior
9. Realize that feelings are not facts
10. Get on with your life
11. Give it time
12. Pass it on

5/12. Not quite a "pass". Italicize the ones others would tell me I've figured out, or at least am actively working on.

7/12.

Leaving:

1. Admit you've got a problem

4. Get the power

6. Begin personal evaluation

11. Give it time

12. Pass it on

Am going back to the original post to get the definitions of those ones, to help figure out what I an do to work on them...and as it turns out they're only "member access" to that particular site, and I can't figure out how to become a member. Grr.
Will figure it out myself.

Better

I am a bit better today.
I'm glad I am starting to be able to pinpoint what triggers me, or throws me off. I used to tell a friend it was like when you slip and fall on the ice - and have no idea what happened - one moment you're walking along and talking and the next minute you're on your ass on the ground, wondering what happened and how you got there.
I'm getting better at seeing the ice.
Good food today, structure, meds, vitamins, walking, self-care. Small blog.
Better.
I think and hope we've finally figured out the balance for my meds - I am and always have been super-sensitive to medication of any kind. When I was a child, the pharmacist would send my mom home with 5 of whatever to see if I was going to tolerate it before she bought an entire scrip.
Wish I could do that now - I have bottles of meds that didn't suit me in the cupboard - I'm thinking of making one of those mosaic coffee table tops...since all my pills have been shades of red, pink, lavendar and orange it would match my living room... :)
We shall see. I know I feel better. I feel on top of things at work, and in control and my boss has noticed and commented in a positive way.
Keep working little pills, and I'll keep doing the work I need to do.

(untitled)

Restless and Twitchy

In a weird headspace today. Am restless but don't want to do anything. Mostly a couch day. Managed to get it together to make a couple healthy meals for tonight and tomorrow.
Feeling unfocused. Ruminating over things that have happened and things that haven't happened. Weird.
Was visiting my parents this weekend - always a slight trigger. Am probably "coming down" off of that. Long weekends always throw me off a bit too, I guess.
Have started a new regimen as have been feeling a bit unhealthy - like I haven't been taking as good care of myself as I could and should.
I don't know. Restless and twitchy.
Friend coming into town next week. Haven't seen him in four years. I don't know how I feel about that. He knew me when... when bi polar ruled my life but didn't have a name - Some friends call it my "sketchy past" I smile a bit uncomfortably and call it my "wild child" days. It's weird now to think, no - just sick - and desperately self medicating with everything and anything I could lay my hands on - drugs, alcohol, food, tattoos, piercings late nights, men...
I always knew who I was under all it. I always knew who I was. It's who I am now. And I have to keep remembering that.
(see - I'm unfocused - I have no idea what point I was trying to make with that last paragraph.)
more later maybe.

I Will Do Anything

Salmon Oil ~B 12 ~D3 ~Folate ~Calcium ~Fish ~Yoga ~Meditation ~Sleep ~Walking ~Reading ~ Education ~ Breathing ~ Writing ~ Talking ~ Blogging ~ Meds.

I will do everything in my power to keep my illness under control and my medication dosage low.