wow. bit of a rough night. Moving forward.
Anyway, where was I? Right - the idea that it seems that it will take so long to recover/recuperate that sometimes I can't be bothered to and just keep going until I crash. Forced recuperation if you will.
Which is stupid, I know, don't get me wrong.
But the thing I struggle with is the acceptance part. The "I just can't" part. I've never been good at that. I have been accustomed all my life, to quote my mother, "to doing whatever the hell I want". And being a stubborn person, words I dislike are "should" and "can't", as in "you should take a break" "you can't go as hard as you do". My back immediately goes up and I think, "oh yes I can, oh yes I will you cannot make me you cannot stop me you are not the boss of me."
Cutting off my nose to spite my face, if you will. It's quite childish.
I must work more on acceptance. I have gotten a bit better in that the past few months I have been actively rejecting activities - it's just that some weeks sneak up on me is all.
My shrink says part of it is that I have to actually stop and think about something instead of just blithely assuming I will/I can make it work/go to it/do it. And that is hard for me. I've always been a busy person, having to stop and consider the reasons and sources of that busyness is sometimes challenging, to put it politely.
I will work on it. Mindfulness.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dear Sue,
ReplyDeleteIf the decision to "stop and think" comes from within rather than feeling like someone is forcing is on you, perhaps that will be easier.
Actually, trying to control the moods by calming things down a bit would seem like a great alternative to frenetic activity followed by crashing and burning. But, that's just me.
Susan
thing is Susan i know you are exactly right - the way I am doing it is not healthy. I need to learn to stop and think, to calm things down, and remove myself from situations.
ReplyDeleteit's funny tonight I was somewhere where my allergies were acting up. I've had allergies all my life, and so I just automatically cut the night short and removed myself from the situation because it was triggering my allergies.
Now I just need to start being mindful enough to do that for my mental health, not just physical....
thank you!